The First Thing: Teach Humility (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 8)

When parents are asked what is most important to them and what they are trying to help their children become, they will usually say they want their children to be happy, fulfilled and kind. When asked how they will do that, they usually don't know how to respond. Often fulfillment is confused with success.  When shown that professional achievement isn't a guarantee of personal fulfillment or life satisfaction, they are at a loss for words.

Sax argues that the first thing parents need to teach their children is HUMILITY!

Why? Because humility has lost its virtuousness in our eyes. We have confused virtue with success and the only real sin for so many of us is failure. The reason is that as a society we have come to think of humility as being self-abasing in a false way -- thinking you are stupid when you in fact you know you are smart. This, Sax says, isn't humility it is psychosis or a detachment from reality.

"Humility simple means being as interested in other people as you are in yourself. It means that when you meet new people, you try to learn something about them before going off on a spiel about how incredible your current project is. Humility means really listening when someone else is talking, instead of just preparing your own speechlet in your head before you've really heard what the other person is saying. Humility means making a sustained effort to get other people to share their views before trying to inundate them with yours." (Sax, 160)

The opposite of this he says, is an inflated self-esteem. "The culture of self-esteem leads to a culture of resentment" because when we are met with failure or a lack of recognition, we are angered. (Sax, 162) 

Conversely, "the culture of humility leads to gratitude, appreciation, and contentment" (Sax, 163).

Children today who are taught their own greatness from infancy, lack gratitude and humility. These are the lost virtues they need BEFORE they are met with disappointment so that they know how to handle it.

In the discussion that follows, one thing Sax emphasizes through stories of patients, is that we should have our children do age-appropriate chores.

The topic of humility in our current culture that is dominated by social media is one of great urgency and I am currently finding The Condemnation of Pride and Self-admiration to be an incredibly pertinent read.