tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-94184972024-03-23T13:21:31.342-05:00Salikah: A Student's DigestA place to share things of benefit to Seekers as we travel through this world. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "What have I to do with this world? There is no comparison between me and this world, except to a rider who stops for shade under a tree and then goes on leaving it behind."Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger554125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-60127032261350922982019-06-12T15:19:00.000-05:002019-06-12T15:19:02.665-05:00Me and the Moon<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>What is it about that beautiful white moon in all its phases that is so mesmerizing? That has enchanted mankind since time immemorial?</b></span><div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>I stand under the night sky unable to stop gazing upon the moon. It is as if in the hustle and bustle of my life I had forgotten to stop and look up. As I gaze upon it, the moon almost pulls at my soul. Pulls it toward what is beyond this world. Pulls it to the Eternal, the Ever-Lasting. Suddenly everything under it is put into perspective. This big planet we live on suddenly seems so small.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>In one single day, every place on this earth sees that moon. Lost in our busy lives, our stress, our screens....we have forgotten to connect with what is beyond this world. Let us take the time to look up, to gaze upon the moon and the stars. It brings such peace to the heart...</b></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-47902469539144669602019-06-12T15:07:00.001-05:002019-06-12T15:07:25.615-05:00In this dense world, be light...<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We live in world that has become so dense and so lifeless. Roads, concrete, buildings, towers. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We live in a world where people are imprisoned in their various screens. They don't see people unless they are contained in those screens.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All of the "advances" we have made, haven't made life easier, but absurdly, more stressful.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In all the hustle and bustle, amid all the stress of modern life, choose to stand still. </span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Choose to hear that bird chirp, to watch the butterfly flutter its beautiful new wings, to hear the laughter of little children. Take a moment to feel yourself breathe, to send life into every limb and organ of your body. Breathe out all the stress. Your Lord is with you, He knows and He understands.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Find that beauty in this dense world, and take it with you everywhere you go...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Smile at people you pass by.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ask the grocer, the barista, the security guard how they are doing -- and actually listen to the answer with your entire being focused on them.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hold the door open for others.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Speak to your neighbours.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Care about people. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When our cities leave so little life for us to see, we can at least see one another instead of our screens. Be a light person in this heavy, heavy world. Be someone that makes others' days lighter and brighter. </span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-43650609685948828722019-01-06T13:36:00.000-05:002019-01-06T14:03:25.055-05:00Ras al-Shaykh Masood -- Khasab, Oman (Musandam Peninsula)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Recently, we took a trip to Khasab in the Musandam Peninsula of Oman. It is a small piece of Oman separated from the rest of the country, by the UAE and is only about 2 hour (stunning!) drive from Dubai. Once you pass the border, you have mountains directly on your right and the Gulf of Oman immediately on your left...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Khasab is a <b>beautiful</b> little town that still has a rustic, traditional feel to it and is just so tranquil, masha'Allah. It's got mountains, it's got beach; the people are down-to-earth, kind, and friendly...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Khasab Fort</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCb2tYZ0qmoxQoNMzSs3YsocCHeb90aA4IZSUMnmJImxAbs9Sf4iX6Z0u12s8Qicyrqx78Gkh8_z5RGE8aDPx8hj7qGCBg3a_CiBSeJKksEsZri9LKbrdSBCy2omEWgShY0p7Abg/s1600/IMG_2332.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="1600" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCb2tYZ0qmoxQoNMzSs3YsocCHeb90aA4IZSUMnmJImxAbs9Sf4iX6Z0u12s8Qicyrqx78Gkh8_z5RGE8aDPx8hj7qGCBg3a_CiBSeJKksEsZri9LKbrdSBCy2omEWgShY0p7Abg/s400/IMG_2332.jpeg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Views from the Dolphin Tour</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Searching for where to pray Jummah, a google search gave me a result of an "ancient mosque" with a picture similar to this:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivKGIpLz5uBRnbkuVaOmdN1xOkC28fltNdNOwdwDHomK1IfDv2x5h8Bc9neUGJHAcUrIYhO0cBH9OUP6KOWHz9PkTLWtq_B59nZM2sQGF3qup4AI3CLuwe6Atv40RYhjMRh6MBqw/s1600/IMG_2484+%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivKGIpLz5uBRnbkuVaOmdN1xOkC28fltNdNOwdwDHomK1IfDv2x5h8Bc9neUGJHAcUrIYhO0cBH9OUP6KOWHz9PkTLWtq_B59nZM2sQGF3qup4AI3CLuwe6Atv40RYhjMRh6MBqw/s400/IMG_2484+%25281%2529.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Naturally, this <i>really</i> piqued our curiosity, but the same entry had comments that it was now closed. Other comments advertised it as being hard to get to, but a "private beach to camp out on". </span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We decided to pray at the Sultan Qaboos Masjid and drive here afterwards to see it. Following the GPS coordinates took us off road and after a point we didn't feel comfortable driving further. We decided to turn back and ask the locals at the hotel if a hike would get us to it. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When in doubt, ask a local...! Turns out that it isn't really an "ancient mosque", but the tomb of the patron saint of Khasab/Musandam. "Ras al-Shaykh Masood" has been a pilgrimage site for locals as far back as they could remember -- nobody could give us a date, but we were told that this maqam has been there since before the Portuguese. The brothers at the hotel discouraged us from driving or hiking with the kids, and instead connected us to a local speedboat that took us twenty minutes around the mountain and brought us to this serene sight off the Gulf of Oman...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The smaller building with a dome (left) is the maqam of Shaykh Masood.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The rectangular building to the right is a small masjid built beside it. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In front and all around, are graves (likely his family and students).</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you are ever in Khasab or can go, this is a place to visit, without a doubt! We don't know anything about Shaykh Masood, but anyone who has visited maqams knows that there is a smell and feeling of other-worldly serenity that is common at the resting places of the awliya. Even this faqira had enough of a heart to feel Shaykh Masood's high station with Allah and even our children made comments and asked questions because of what they saw and felt at the maqam. It was the highlight of our trip. Please go and please send our salam.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On the other hand....we did see some campers' tents pitched by the shore... perhaps they didn't realize that all those stones are Muslim grave markers! We heard that a group that was camping there recently hadn't noticed until at night the one of them that was on watch was throwing his flashlight around when he realized that they had pitched their tents beside a cemetery...he decided to wait till morning to tell the others. When the others woke up and saw the beautiful sunrise they started to talk about staying another night...that's when he told them what he discovered the night before...and they all packed up and bolted! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Campers:</u> Aside from the spooky factor of sleeping in a cemetery on an unlit isolated beach... it is my humble request that out of respect for this man of God and the deceased, people not come here to party, drink (we found lots of broken glass bottles), and camp...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A small window inside the masjid, looking out.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Door to the maqam of Shaykh Masood.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9k6gBk78WMo61hRWUXWEM3oF6fyDCFMtZIOhOghyYPa0crtiYWkiqJPsbWVxyPcOlnQVwErVuzsvu0TZ8fMHQ4DQJhNFaFeOoLMLdhsPbOwyx4TH8ELianjWiEwD00r4fAIaF1w/s1600/IMG_2478.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9k6gBk78WMo61hRWUXWEM3oF6fyDCFMtZIOhOghyYPa0crtiYWkiqJPsbWVxyPcOlnQVwErVuzsvu0TZ8fMHQ4DQJhNFaFeOoLMLdhsPbOwyx4TH8ELianjWiEwD00r4fAIaF1w/s400/IMG_2478.JPG" width="300" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Inside the maqam of Shaykh Masood.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There is something so beautiful about a maqam that is so simple and so isolated. We have seen some very famous and very ornamented maqams, but the simplicity here was really breathtaking. Sincerity is often found in the greatest simplicity.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">*Pictures here are my own and I ask they not be used without my permission*</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-53460277948567674952018-11-10T14:05:00.002-05:002018-11-10T14:17:23.795-05:00Bringing the Mercy of the Messenger to Our Children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrEQdeD4Gx67YwH70KB9_P20aocCJiaYSk6L04uW_IpFDyVSmLLNQgXpXU9q2b06HgZt2fOsVIY2DoE__7kNW6XstJ6xVwrhUv1BjdVNSt-TFRZYHMt8rz1miS1HfFZ2iLM7qb7w/s1600/Rabi-ul-Awwal-Mubarak.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrEQdeD4Gx67YwH70KB9_P20aocCJiaYSk6L04uW_IpFDyVSmLLNQgXpXU9q2b06HgZt2fOsVIY2DoE__7kNW6XstJ6xVwrhUv1BjdVNSt-TFRZYHMt8rz1miS1HfFZ2iLM7qb7w/s1600/Rabi-ul-Awwal-Mubarak.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Rabi ul-Awal Mubarak!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>As we usher in the beautiful month in which our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), the best of creation and mercy to all the worlds was born, let us be joyous and celebrate!</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>This month is a perfect time to bring the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to life in the lives of our children. They <i>need</i> him in their lives and in their hearts. To be the guide for them through his sunnah, through salawat, and through a living relationship with him (Allah bless him and give him peace). As Shaykh Yahya once told us, children need someone they love and can follow -- not just fear of punishment.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>As a teenager when I knew little about anything, one of the greatest forces that kept me from doing anything I shouldn't was an image deep inside my heart, that if I did something wrong I would cause the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to turn his noble face away from me out of shame. I don't know where that image came from as I didn't grow up in a particularly "religious" home in that sense, but it has always stayed with me and protected me.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Create a family tradition. With little children who are in school, we don't have all that much time during the week, but we've decided we will take 10-15 minutes each night to discuss one attribute of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) as a family and talk about how we can bring it to life in our lives. I've seen some things being passed around online to assist in this. Others I know are doing a nightly mawlid as a family. Others are reading the sira. Depending on your time and family make-up, be creative! Nothing is too little.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>We also do little things like dimming the lights, burning bakhoor or putting some light itr or rose water on the children to make them feel like it's a special time. We sing a song together. And we end by having the kids take a moment in silence to feel their hearts and know that Allah is with them and the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) is with them in their invisible hearts...and he loves them more than anyone in the world. Everyone kisses everyone and we head to bed.</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-27046170771879274532018-11-05T14:03:00.000-05:002018-11-05T14:03:07.523-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Were it not for your generous gaze,</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>We would have been left beckoning at the threshold...</b></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-29870753379978854472018-10-24T11:36:00.000-05:002018-10-24T11:36:01.598-05:00If you got it, don't flaunt it!<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>When we flaunt our blessings all over Facebook, Instagram, and the like, </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>we are opening them up to the envy and evil-eye of countless people.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>If we are truly grateful for them, we will place our foreheads on the ground and thank the One who sent them to us, rather than placing our hands on devices and showing them off to the world like children.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Envy is real.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>The evil-eye is real.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>And breaking the hearts of those who may not be as blessed, is real. And it invites the Bestower of Blessings to remove them from us...</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>That is enough to make the heart of anyone who has an inkling of experience as to the fragility of this life, tremble with fear.</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-91091117172111175942018-10-24T07:13:00.000-05:002018-10-24T11:35:05.456-05:00Conclusion: Dr. Sax's and My Own (The Collapse of Parenting)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Dr. Sax's Closing Comments</u></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As parents trying to raise our kids right in a culture that is likely to do the opposite. We must:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Re-evaluate our values. Popular culture today no longer values character. It values money and fame. It belittles being "ordinary".</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Be willing to parent differently. We must be okay with being <i>uncool.</i></span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Know that our job is to be the authoritative parent not the cool peer -- understand this difference.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Know the challenges and be a wise parent:</span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Culture of Disrespect mingled with Live for Now. </span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Introduce your children to a more meaningful worldview.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Medication in place of tough parenting challenges.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Resist the pressure unless it is a last resort.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Over-scheduling our children and ourselves. </span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Take time to smell the roses. Literally. Teach them that relaxed time with family is far more important than cramming in more activities.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"It is the parent's responsibility not only to feed, clothe, and shelter the child but to acculturate the child, to instill a sense of virtue and a longing for integrity, and to teach the meaning of life according to the parent's best understanding" (Sax 205).</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Popular culture has undermined parental authority to do their job and led to an explosion in anxiety and depression for children and teens, and the emergence of a generation of fragile children.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You MUST:</span></div>
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<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Assert primacy of parent-child relationship over peers.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Teach your child that every choice they make has immediate, far-reaching, and unforeseen consequences.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Teach them the meaning of life as being their truest self -- not their accomplishments, looks or friends.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Judge your success as a parent by whether your child is on the path to fulfillment, capable of governing their needs and desires not being governed by them. Don't look at the number of friends they have, their marks or achievements.</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Do not be paralyzed by your own shortcomings. Raising a good person is a mandatory assignment -- you have to do your best despite your shortcomings!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>My Final Comments</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><u>READ. THE. BOOK!!!</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is one of the best and most beneficial books I have read. Allah gives wisdom to whomsoever He pleases. This book is full of guidance and wisdom. I have done my best to summarize and highlight its message as a reminder for myself as I have read the book it will jog my memory, and for Salik who I have been sharing the book with as I read it. However, reading my notes isn't sufficient. Get the book and read it so that you can benefit from it better and learn from its many stories and examples.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On Sax's final point above, I would say this is very true. We are crippled often by our knowledge of our own shortcomings on the path to being virtuous people. But this attitude harms our children. We must constantly strive to be better and share with our children the fact that we are not perfect and that we desire to be better each day. And that we desire for them to be better than us.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-530948618661086712018-10-18T03:05:00.002-05:002018-10-24T11:34:17.241-05:00The Third Thing: The Meaning of Life (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 10)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When students are asked about the purpose of school they generally tell you this:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Work hard in school to get into a good college.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Get into a good college so you can get a good job.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Get a good job so you make good money and have a good life.</span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">BUT in reality, 1 doesn't always lead to 2; 2 is no guarantee of 3; and 3 is by no means a guarantee of a good life.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We need to give our children a greater reason for education. One that doesn't fall apart so easily. One that has room for failure. Why? Because failure is a reality we all face at some point and often it is the springboard for growth on many levels.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">School is a preparation for life. And the purpose of life, in Sax's example, is to do meaningful work, to have a person to love, and a cause to embrace. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Personally, as a believer, I would say the purpose of life is to know ourselves, so that we may know our Lord and worship Him. And the purpose of an education is expand our minds to be able to understand with greater depth, the awesomeness of our Lord, Mighty and Majestic.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-61913838692467825302018-10-18T02:53:00.002-05:002018-10-24T11:35:39.414-05:00The Second Thing: Enjoy (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 9) <span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Most people will say they enjoy their time with their kids, but when surveyed on a range of enjoyable activities it actually doesn't score very high. Why? Because a lot of parenting is work, but...we need to PLAN FOR FUN. We must have fun with our children.</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Go out into nature.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No devices at mealtime!</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No headphones in the car.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Don't multi-task when you're with your child. BE with THEM! This means we have to try to do less ourselves and have our children doing less. Relaxed family time should not be at the bottom of the barrel of priorities. In North America, we have a culture now of boasting about how busy we are and how much we are doing.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Personally, living in the Middle East, I have to say people here really do enjoy their kids a lot more than in North America. There is something about the structure of society here that allows for that.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-7778898695081204902018-10-18T02:30:00.004-05:002018-10-24T11:32:34.024-05:00The First Thing: Teach Humility (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 8)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When parents are asked what is most important to them and what they are trying to help their children become, they will usually say they want their children to be happy, fulfilled and kind. When asked how they will do that, they usually don't know how to respond. Often fulfillment is confused with success. When shown that professional achievement isn't a guarantee of personal fulfillment or life satisfaction, they are at a loss for words.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Sax argues that the first thing parents need to teach their children is <u>HUMILITY!</u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Why? Because humility has lost its virtuousness in our eyes. We have confused virtue with success and the only real sin for so many of us is failure. The reason is that as a society we have come to think of humility as being self-abasing in a false way -- thinking you are stupid when you in fact you know you are smart. This, Sax says, isn't humility it is psychosis or a detachment from reality.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"Humility simple means being as interested in other people as you are in yourself. It means that when you meet new people, you try to learn something about <i>them</i> before going off on a spiel about how incredible your current project is. Humility means really listening when someone else is talking, instead of just preparing your own speechlet in your head before you've really heard what the other person is saying. Humility means making a sustained effort to get other people to share their views before trying to inundate them with yours." (Sax, 160)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The opposite of this he says, is an inflated self-esteem.<b> "The culture of self-esteem leads to a culture of resentment"</b> because when we are met with failure or a lack of recognition, we are angered. (Sax, 162) </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Conversely, "<b>the culture of humility leads to gratitude, appreciation, and contentment" </b>(Sax, 163)</span><b style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">.</b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Children today who are taught their own greatness from infancy, lack gratitude and humility. These are the lost virtues they need BEFORE they are met with disappointment so that they know how to handle it.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the discussion that follows, one thing Sax emphasizes through stories of patients, is that we should have our children do age-appropriate chores.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The topic of humility in our current culture that is dominated by social media is one of great urgency and I am currently finding <i><a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Al-Ghazali-Condemnation-Pride-Self-admiration-al-kibr/dp/1911141139/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539777566&sr=8-1&keywords=ghazali+pride&dpID=41%252BPguh4puL&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch" target="_blank">The Condemnation of Pride and Self-admiration</a></i> to be an incredibly pertinent read.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-73572918304016606662018-10-18T02:05:00.003-05:002018-10-19T05:32:26.243-05:00Misconceptions (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 7)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In this Chapter Dr. Sax addresses some of the common misconceptions that he has found repeatedly arise in his practice and prevent parents from doing the right thing. He says parents are either too strict, too permissive or just right -- that balance is what needs to be struck!</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>1) The Rebound Effect</u></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Parents fear that if they force their children to behave "virtuously", then when they have some independence they will go wild and do everything they were prevented from doing.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Longitudinal studies discussed in the previous chapter actually "show that, in general, well-behaved kids are more likely to grow up to be well-behaved adults. Kids raised by more permissive parents are more likely to get into trouble as adults: trouble with alcohol, trouble with drug abuse, trouble with anxiety and depression". (Sax, 140)</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>2) My Child will be a Social Outcast/Unpopular</u></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><u><br /></u></span>
<i><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Parents fear that if they don't let their children do what most others are doing they will be made fun of, socially outcast, etc.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sax says there are three assumptions at play here:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>It's important for my child to be popular.</b> You need to first be clear in your mind about what is a priority for you: raising a good person or a popular one. Being popular today "entails unhealthy behavior and attitudes, beginning with a disregard for parental authority" (Sax 146).</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>It's unrealistic for me to hold my child accountable for behavior outside my home. </b>We must teach our children INTEGRITY. This means they are expected to behave outside of home as they do inside and there is nothing wrong with checking up on your child unannounced to teach them this.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Parents should find a balance between "too hard" and "too soft".</b> Yes, but this doesn't mean they have to be either strict or loving. This is a major misconception today. Both things are possible and <i>that</i> balance makes "just right" parents.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Do what is best for your child. Do not concern yourself with what other kids or parents say. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>3) My Child's Disrespect is a Sign of their Independence.</u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It is NEVER acceptable for your child to be disrespectful to you! They can disagree, but their language and tone cannot be disrespectful. Use dinner time or car rides to have conversation on age appropriate topics of disagreement and teach them how to RESPECTFULLY disagree.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4) My Child's Happiness is Paramount, Even if Different from My Happiness.</u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"Pleasure is not the same thing as happiness. The gratification of desire yields pleasure, not lasting happiness. Hap</span><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">piness comes from <i>fulfillment</i>, from living up to your potential..." (Sax, 151). Redirecting your child from pleasures such as video-games or selfies may not be easy or fun, but it is your job as a parent to EDUCATE THEIR DESIRE. They may not appreciate it now or even in five years -- but you're job isn't to win their approval it is to do your job as a parent and help them find and fulfill their potential.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">5) If I Love My Child, I Must Trust My Child.</span></u></b></div>
<div>
<b><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">False. The rules of love between adults differ from those of love between parent and child. For instance, don't think your child never lies to you. They want to please you and if they have fallen short of that, they will often lie.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u>6) If I Follow Your Advice, My Child Won't Love Me.</u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Your job is to raise your child to be the best they can be and your reward is in knowing that you have done your job well -- not from hugs or words of affection. We often seek love that was unfulfilled in our other relationships, in our children but this often comes in the way of doing what is truly best for them out of our fear of losing that love.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-71338806710396797372018-10-18T01:17:00.001-05:002018-10-18T01:44:43.030-05:00What Matters? (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 6)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Bismillah. </span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After a delay due to the summer holidays and a move overseas, I have finally had the chance to sit down and continue reading the book that I have been just itching to return to -- and I have devoured the second half of the book so quickly, but will try to now summarize some of the highlights here.</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Chapter 6 is the first chapter in Part 2 "Solutions" (Part 1 was "Problems").</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This Chapter explores the question of what factor measured in childhood and again twenty years later, is the greatest predictor of happiness and overall satisfaction. Sax offers some possibilities to start the chapter off: IQ, grade point average, self-control, openness to new ideas, or friendliness. The result of long term studies and the new understanding (scientifically) that your personality is separate from how smart you are is that the answer to this question is SELF CONTROL.</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The five dimensions of personality:</span><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Conscientiousness (self control, honesty, perseverance)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Openness</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Extraversion</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Agreeableness</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Emotional Stability</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Conscientiousness is the key trait when it comes to predicting happiness <i>and</i> wealth<i> and </i>life satisfaction. (Sax, 117-119).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The chapter is full of studies and examples of why this is proven to be true, even when adjusted for intelligence, race, ethnicity, and education.</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I would be reproducing the entire chapter if I was to highlight all the great points made here, the book really must be read. One thing that really stuck out to me was that he says when it comes to smarts, it's better to praise your child's behaviour (that they are working hard) than to link it to their identity (they ARE smart), but when it comes to virtue, it is better to link it to their identity (they ARE kind) because in the first instance they will then fall apart if they don't succeed at something, but in the second, they will identify themselves with those virtues and hold them in esteem.</span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-78144718450945428562018-06-28T11:23:00.001-05:002018-07-01T03:38:52.797-05:00Why Are So Many Kids So Fragile? (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 5) <span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In the last of the chapters discussing the "problems" today, Sax looks at something that I hear more and more from teachers and professors: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Many college faculty and staff report a noticeable fragility among today's students. Some describe them as "teacups"-- beautiful, but liable to break with the slightest drop" -- Jean, Twenge, San Diego State University (Sax 93).</blockquote>
<ul>
<li>Fragility has become a characteristic of American children and teenagers to an extent unknown 25 years ago (Sax 99).</li>
<ul>
<li>Unwillingness to work on something they are weak at, in order improve. Instead, they will avoid such situations where they may fail or look weak. </li>
<li>Self definitions of greatness resulting in complete breakdowns at the slightest blow to their ego.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>"...something inside seems to be missing: some inner strength that we took for granted in young people a few decades back..." (Sax 100).</strong></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I have seen the same process in young adults--more often young men than young women--who come home from college, or drop out of college, to retreat into the bedroom with a computer screen or a video game. That's often the final common pathway which I have observed in twenty-somethings: young people whose dreams don't come true, who then give up, retreat, and return to live with their parents or (if their parents have the means) live separately from their parents but remain supported by their parents." (Sax 100)</blockquote>
<ul>
<li>Phenomenon of fragile young Americans who quit easily and have little ambition has huge economic consequences, but the cause isn't economic it is American parenting.</li>
<ul>
<li>Weak parent-child relationship.</li>
<ul>
<li>Kids need to value their parents opinion first, not that of their peers.</li>
<ul>
<li>A good parent-child relationship is robust and unconditional.</li>
<li>Peer relationships are by nature fragile. This is why if emphasis and value is placed on peer opinions, the child will easily break because the relationship of value is inherently weak.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>"That's one reason there has been an explosion in the prevalence of anxiety and depression among American teenagers, as they frantically try to secure their attachment to other teens, as they try to gain unconditional love and acceptance from sources that are unable to provide it." (Sax 105)</strong></blockquote>
<ul>
<li>In other places, people aren't look at as "generations" that creates a gap beween ages. They just do things together as a family.</li>
<li>Need for commitment to children in public places -- play areas, highchairs, milk/food, nursing rooms, diaper change stations.</li>
<li>Emphasize primacy of parent-child relationship over peers, academics, and other activities.</li>
<ul>
<li>Family only vacations!</li>
</ul>
<li>Connecting with adults should be a higher priority than connecting with peers, academics or activities.</li>
<ul>
<li>Prioritize extended family and close adult friends in the life of the children.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>"Part of your job as a parent is to <em>educate desire</em>. To teach your child to go beyond "whatever floats your boat." To enjoy, and to want to enjoy, pleasures higher and deeper than video games and social media can provide. Those pleasure may be found perhaps in conversation with wise adults; or in meditation, prayer, or reflection; or in music, dance, or the arts." (Sax 109).</strong></blockquote>
<ul>
<li> Educate desire! Teach your values so they don't adopt the values of popular culture!</li>
<li>Technology and devices further divide generations and undermine parental authority because then peers/friends know more about "important" things than you.</li>
</ul>
<strong><u>The Upshot</u></strong><br />
<ul>
<li>Fight for time with your child even if it means forgoing extra curricular activities so that meals can be had as a family! Attachment is vital and cannot happen if kids don't see parents and spend time with them! Primary attachments should be to parents not peers!</li>
<li>Decline in parental authority is directly related to weakening attachments to parents/adults.</li>
<li>"Failure comes to us all. The <em>willingness to fail, </em>and then to move on with no loss of enthusiasm, is a mark of character. The opposite of fragility...is the willingness to fail. When kids are secure in the unconditional acceptance of their parents, they can find the courage to venture and to fail. When kids value the good regard of their peers or their own self-concept above the good regard of their parents, they lose the willingness to fail. They become fragile." (Sax 113)</li>
</ul>
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-72140976522271009802018-06-28T10:39:00.004-05:002018-06-28T18:01:47.375-05:00Why Are American Students Falling Behind? (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 4) <span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As a teacher, I would say this chapter is very much applicable to Canada as well.</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong><u>Academic Performance and Creativity are both on a sharp decline. Why?</u></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Over investment in technology (tablets, smartboards, laptops).</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The best countries (academically) have classrooms that are "utilitarian and sparse" with old fashioned chalk boards.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Overemphasis on sports.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Low selectivity in teacher training.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Culture of Disrespect.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Schools seeking to make education cool and fun because it then requires less classroom management.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No! Solution isn't to make school an arcade. It's to create a culture where students want to please adults, not look cool to peers!</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There is a decline in college degrees and critical thinking barely improves over four years even when they do go to college -- the education is mediocre.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"Simply being exposed to American culture in the interval between 2000-2012--the era of Lady Gaga, Akon, Eminem, Justin Bieber, and Miley Cyrus--might have a corrosive effect on rational thinking (Sax 90)</span></strong></blockquote>
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Upshot</span></u></strong><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Don't jump on the tech bandwagon by being fooled by its proposed "educational value".</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Inculcate the desire to please adults not peers.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Creativity is necessary for success and academic performance.</span></li>
</ul>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-37934786377648356602018-06-26T14:27:00.004-05:002018-06-26T14:27:55.270-05:00Why Are So Many Kids On Medication? (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 3)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have been engrossed in this book every moment I have, but haven't had a chance to sit down and share some of the highlights. Here are some of the main points he makes in Chapter 3, entitled <strong>"Why Are So Many Kids On Medication"</strong>. Moreso than the previous chapters, here the statistics and comments made are based on the USA compared to other nations, however, as a Canadian I still found it very useful even if we statistically rank better than our neighbours to the south.</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I cannot restate the number of alarming statistics he provides in this chapter!</span></li>
</ul>
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The root of the Problem</span></u></strong><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Not all bad behaviour needs medication.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Respect, courtesy, and manners are not longer taught in Kindergarten. This along with the previously discussed "culture of disrespect" means the responsibility of teaching these is (more than ever before) on the shoulders of parents!</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><strong><u>Cultural Shift between 1994 and 2003</u></strong> </span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Between these years there was a forty fold increase in childhood bipolar diagnosis.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Doctors who "discovered" childhood "rapid cycling bipolar" were paid $4million by the drug companies that produced its medication.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ADHD, Aspergers, Bipolar all being used for bad behaviour because parents want a quick fix that avoids putting in the work required to change the child's behaviour by asserting authority. This is not the case in Europe -- UK, Germany, Spain.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My own thought is that this may also have to do with the growing number of families where both parents are working and are too busy/exhausted/guilty to do this.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Sleep deprivation mimics ADHD almost perfectly!!</strong></span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><strong>"One of the basic duties of a parent is to ensure that a child gets a good night's sleep..." (Sax 57).</strong> The need to assert authority in this regard is most necessary now because of wifi devices that never existed before.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dramatic increase in ADHD is because of "the medicalization of misbehaviour" (Sax 61). Instead of correcting kids' bad behaviour parents are more likely to medicate the child with the hope of fixing behaviour. </span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>"We parents in the United States are not doing our job of enculturation, as I explained in Chapter 1. Neither we the parents, nor the schools, nor the TV shows, nor the Internet are adequately teaching Fulghum's Rules, such as <em>"Play fair./ Don't hit people./ Put things back where you found them." </em>As a result: kids born in the United States are now many times more likely to be diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, and to be treated with powerful medications, compared to kids living elsewhere" (Sax 61-62).</strong></span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">At age 20, medications go up and academic achievement goes down.</span></li>
</ul>
<u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>The Problem</strong></span></u><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04;">Instead of removing cell phones and laptops from bedrooms to allow for adequate sleep, parents look to brain based explanations that require medications. Why? <strong>Because it shifts the burden of responsibility from parents/child to the doctor!</strong></span></span></li>
<li><strong><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is frightening that medications are being used to modify behaviours!!</span></strong></li>
<ul>
<li><strong><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Long term use leads to being disengaged and less motivated to achieve in the real world, obesity, diabetes...</span></strong></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>The Solution</strong></span></u><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"When the teacher and parents exercise their authority, most students will develop better habits and show greater self-control, because the teacher and parents require it, because they expect it, and because the student really cares what they think" (Sax 68).</span></strong></blockquote>
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What to Do</span></u></strong><br />
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></u></strong><br />
<ol>
<li><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Command. Don't Ask.</strong></span></u></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">? mark undermines your authority!</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Sometimes with teens you can offer an explanation -- but it isn't to convince or negotiate.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Eat Dinner with Your Kids.</strong></span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">No cell phones, no TV.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Each dinner counts! Statistically proven! So don't let anything trump dinner together:</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Mistaken North American belief in importance of extra-curricular over family time. Family should be a higher priority!</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Decreases internalizing problems like being sad, anxious, lonely.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Decreases externalizing problems like fighting, skipping, stealing.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Decreases obesity in the future.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Increases likelihood of helping others and being satisfied with life.</span></li>
</ul>
</ol>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong><u>Upshot</u></strong></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> Instead of investing the time to correct bad behaviour we are shifting the burden of responsibility to medications that seriously mess up the future of the child in every way (academically, psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually)!</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Family time trumps everything, especially peer-time!</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-30774243847431037482018-06-06T10:42:00.002-05:002018-06-06T10:42:42.081-05:00Why Are So Many Kids Overweight? (The Collapse of Parenting: Chapter 2)<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Bismillah. As promised in </span><a href="https://salikah.blogspot.com/2018/06/leonard-sax-collapse-of-parenting.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">my previous post on Dr. Leonard Sax's insightful book </span></a><em><a href="https://salikah.blogspot.com/2018/06/leonard-sax-collapse-of-parenting.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Collapse of Parenting</span></a><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">,</span></em><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> here are some notes on Chapter 2 "Why Are So Many Kids Overweight?".</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The number of obese and overweight children are on the rise. Even children who are 'slender' are increasingly unfit compared to their counterparts in decades past. </span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Three-fold explanation of why:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What Kids Eat</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What Kids Do</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">How Much Kids Sleep</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><u><strong>What Kids Eat</strong></u></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It used to be that parents decided on meals and told their children they would get no dessert unless they finished their meal, veggies and all!</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It used to be that parents enforced a "no snacking between meals" policy.</span></li>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>"<em>Ad lib</em> feeding throughout the day appears to disrupt circadian rhythms, interfering with normal metabolism and disturbing the balance of hormones that regulate appetite" </strong>(Sax, p.40).</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the culture of disrespect where there is no parental authority, however:</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the frequency of pizza, potato chips, fries, ice cream and soda have replaced fruits, vegetables, and milk.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">soda consumption is on the rise, especially in teens</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">fast food consumption has increased by 200% over a couple of decades</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Even on short car rides home from school, parents pack snacks for their children. Can children not endure hunger for 30 minutes? Will they die of starvation?</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>"Kids who have never been hungry will grow up to be heavier; yet psychologically they are likely to be more fragile. They haven't learned to master their own needs"</strong> (Sax, p.41).</span></blockquote>
</div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<ul>
<li> <span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Food choices are the first thing to slide when parental authority is compromised. The ultimatums of previous generations: "no dessert until you finish your broccoli" has morphed into questions like "How about if you eat three bites of broccoli, and then you can have dessert?" or requests for kids to do the parent a "favour" by eating...and the children really believe they've done the parents a favour that must be returned...!</span></li>
</ul>
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span></u></strong><br />
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">What Kids Do</span></u></strong><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Kids are no longer outside playing, but increasingly watching TV or on some screen inside.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">In 1965 the average person watched 10.5hrs/week of television. Today, the average 9 year old has 50hrs/week of screen time and the average teen has 70hrs/week of screen time (!!!)</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Televisions used to be one per household and shared by the family to that it was supervised by parents and often a family pastime. Today, screens are individualized and private, with more and more parents knowing little of what their child is doing or watching on the screen. (Scary!)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Turn of your screens! Go outside and play with them! Walk to school or the grocery store!</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong><u></u></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong><u>How Much Kids Sleep</u></strong></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Kids' sleep is on the decline. One major factor is screens in the room that distract <span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">children and lead them to delay going to sleep.</span></span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">According to the experts this is how much sleep kids need:</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">2-5 year olds: <em>at least</em> 11 hours a day</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">6-12 year olds: <em>at least</em> 10 hours a day</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">13-18 year olds: <em>at least</em> 9 hours a day</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The majority of kids today cite sleep as their favourite pastime. Why? Because they are sleep deprived!</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Less sleep leads hormones that regulate sleep to get messed up and confuse our brain in bad ways. It starts to say "I am tired...I need chips, cookies, cake....NOW!".</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Culture of disrespect is connected to fatter kids because not eating well, not being active/doing chores, sitting at screens. Therefore, the more disrespectful the child, the more likely they are to be fat. There are many studies to prove this.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong>The Upshot?</strong></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><strong>Eat Right.</strong> Veggies before pizza and ice cream.</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><strong>Eat Less</strong>. Don't supersize. Prepare small servings that need to be completely finished before taking seconds.</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><strong>Exercise More</strong>. Turn off devices. Go outside. Play.</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">YOU CAN DO THIS!</span></strong> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-86747154911624833842018-06-05T12:18:00.000-05:002018-06-05T12:22:29.389-05:00Leonard Sax: The Collapse of Parenting<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Bismillah. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In a recent talk on nurturing children, Sh. Zahir Bacchus recommended the book <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Collapse-Parenting-Hurt-Treat-Grown-Ups/dp/0465094287/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528212754&sr=8-1&keywords=collapse+of+parenting" target="_blank"><em>The Collapse of Parenting</em> by Leonard Sax</a></strong>. Having previously read <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465040829/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528212786&sr=8-1&keywords=boys+adrift" target="_blank"><strong>Boys Adrift</strong></a></em> by the same author on the recommendation of Sh. Nuh Keller, I ordered a copy right away. I suggest you do that right now as well!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On the request of Salik, I will post highlights from each chapter when I get the chance, however I highly recommend reading the book itself as it is peppered with real life stories and examples we can learn from.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<strong><u><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Chapter One: The Culture of Disrespect</span></u></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<ul><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The purpose of childhood is to teach children the rules of good behaviour and what constitutes good character in our culture.</span></div>
</li>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In North America and Western Europe, schools began to back out of this responsibility in favour of emphasizing numeracy and literacy. Therefore placing the burden of responsibility to teach this culture more so on parents than ever before.</span></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The second half of the twentieth century saw the empowerment of the previously disenfranchised: people of colour, women, employees, and children. While the first three give equality to mature adults, the last one takes away parental authority. Without parental authority, deference to parents is gone.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">TV shows in the past always depicted parents in a positive role as consistently reliable and trustworthy. Sax examined 150 of today's most popular shows and found that not one of them shows parents in this light -- even on the Disney channel. It is difficult to parent in a culture that is constantly undermining parental authority.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Songs used to be loving and positive, now the vulgar ones make it to number one.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Look at the messages on shirts: "Do I look like I care?", "Is that all you got?", "Out of your league". I even see little children with shirts like "Too cool for school" or "Dad's the boss, Mom is his boss, and I'm their boss". We laugh these off, but the messages are real and affirming the culture of disrespect all around them. As a high school teacher myself, I am shocked at how much vulgarity students insert into their everyday, casual conversations. They refer to friends or beckon them with curse words, and this isn't taken offensively. A child who is taught to have self-respect could never tolerate this or dish it out -- it's not normal, but for youth today it has become normative.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The notion of history being a smooth trajectory of progress is false to say the least. And yet it has trickled into North American society in such a deep seated way that a product need only advertise itself as "new" to be synonymous with "better". This easily transfers to people so that youth is better than being older, which is why elders aren't respected or considered valuable and relevant -- again, undermining parental authority. It's no wonder that North Americans are obsessed with anti-aging products.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>"Two hundred years ago, it was reasonable to trust in the future without being utterly stupid. Who can believe in today's prophecies, seeing as we are yesterday's splendid future...'Progress' means, in the final analysis, taking away from man what ennobles him in order to sell him cheaply what debases him." - Nicolas Gomez-Davila</strong></span></div>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Have fun with your kids. Don't let them opt to spend time with friends instead. "Why? Because having fun together is one of foundation of authoritative parenting in the modern world" (Sax, p.28). If fun is only found with friends, they won't want to spend time with adults. Without that time with adults, the culture of respect cannot be imparted.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span> </div>
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Parents today want to please their children because of their desire to be loved by them, but this backfires. <strong>"The child expects to look up to the parent, to be instructed by the parent, indeed to be commanded by the parent. If the parent instead serves the child, then that relationship falls out of its natural balance"</strong> (Sax, p.30)</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Upshot of it all? When there is no parental authority, children seek that authority in their peers who are children themselves.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-18632755128699142842018-06-05T10:35:00.001-05:002018-06-05T10:35:11.179-05:00Feminism...<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>...seeks to eliminate the feminine.</strong></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-27287004512689493332018-05-28T10:39:00.004-05:002018-05-28T18:06:15.904-05:00Sh. Yahya on Seeking Knowledge<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Bismillah. Alhamdulillah, we were blessed this past weekend with a visit from Shaykh Yahya Rhodus to SeekersHub, and I was able to attend the session on Seeking Knowledge.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Your entire life is learning: either formally or informally.</strong></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Book Recommendation: <em>Mindset</em>. Speaks about people being of two mindsets: Growth Mindset (belief that we have the ability to change and examining life experiences with this in mind so that we can learn/grow from all experiences) and Fixed Mindset (people who think you cannot change yourself). Our deen, he said, is of a Growth Mindset. Our varying temperaments and personalities will respond differently to various virtues, but we can learn how to attain them by tuning into ourselves.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Importance of foundational learning.</strong></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Take formal learning and solidify it through informal experiences.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We don't learn our foundations and then never return to them again. As we grow, Insha'Allah, the Ihsan dimension of our faith will help to perfect the Iman and Islam dimensions.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you don't preoccupy yourself with good, you will be occupied with evil. <strong>Don't waste time. Make a schedule.</strong> Prioritize learning. Imam Shafi'i said,<strong> "make knowledge and excuse for other things, don't make other things an excuse for knowledge". You will never truly learn until you make knowledge a priority.</strong></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Slow & steady wins the race! Some examples of how to incorporate learning into your busy day:</span></li>
<ul><ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Keep a book of hadith in your car. Resolve to read one each time you get in the car.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A book by your night stand that you read for X number of minutes each night or read X number of pages each night.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Listen to a lecture or podcast while you drive. If not the entire time, then at least for ten minutes each time.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">These are points of contact to stimulate you throughout the day!</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Four Components of Learning</strong></span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Shaykh Fattah. A teacher who can unlock the treasure chest of wisdom for you.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Aql Rajjah. Intelligence/discernment.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Think about the knowledge you are learning. Knowledge is a great companion!</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Always keep a notebook! Take notes, review them within a day or two. When it is full, transcribe it into another notebook or digitize it.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We should all have a daily time for reflection. This is the forgotten sunnah!</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Book of Assistance. Chapter on Reflection. Do the exercises.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Kutb Siha. Correct books.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A qualified teacher to guide you in this regard.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Respect for the matn (textbook) tradition.</span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mudawwama wa Ilha. Perseverance.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Fight your nafs! We have energy for tv, but not for books.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Consistency is the key to the great station of istiqama (steadfastness).</span></li>
</ul>
</ol>
<em><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Allahuma ilma lana illa ma alamtana, rabbi zidni ilma.</span></em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-30022558918584006382018-05-02T13:35:00.000-05:002018-05-02T15:20:14.755-05:00The Evil Eye and the Blessed Eye<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The evil eye is real. Our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) taught us so and also gave us the prevention and cure for it through the recitation of surah al-falaq and surah al-nas, three times in the morning and three times in the evening. Yet, we hear people obsessed with "nazar", even to the point of paranoia.</span><br />
<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My Nanni (Allah be pleased with her) was a very righteous woman, masha'Allah. One day her neighbour saw her and in a bout of frustration, shouted "what is with you? I do so much black magic on you and wish you ill, but nothing works!". Imagine that. Most of us would be frightened to our core! My Nanni? She calmly replied, "I say my five prayers and read Quran and have complete certainty that my Lord will protect me".</span><br />
<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">***</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Let us also consider however, that if the eye of the evildoer, a heart filled with greed or envy or hate can be powerful, then what about the heart of the wali, a heart that knows Allah? How powerful is that blessed eye? Should we not then seek to place ourselves at the feet of such people, exposing ourselves to their blessed gazes?</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-82344615264000693852018-05-02T12:48:00.004-05:002018-05-02T12:48:58.864-05:00Surrounding Little Ones with Sacred Symbols<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Salik and I have always felt that our immediate spaces should be beautiful because of the affect this has on the soul. When we became parents our consciousness of this became heightened as we looked at the impact all things would have on the pure souls presented to us as a trust from our Lord. When I was expecting Salik Junior I remember sitting in the <em>majlis al-dhikr</em> one night and being overcome with the understanding that this baby soon to be in my arms was coming to me from the Divine Presence and it would be my responsibility to remind him of that Origin and protect him from all that seeks to make him forget that Origin.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Our sensory experiences should not be belittled. As a high school teacher I see how much young people fill their souls with images, sounds, and other sensory experiences with no regard to the impact of these on their heart, and on their soul. They are unaware of the damage they do to themselves and of how much work in the Path is required to undo this damage.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Salik and I were speaking a few days ago to one of the fuqara who has a toddler and he also mentioned that he believes it is so important to surround their little girl with the symbols of worship. Indeed we do this as well. Exposing children to <em>musallas, misbahas, </em>Quran, <em>dhikr</em>, sacred art, and <em>awliya</em> from a young age will,<em> insha'Allah</em>, have a profound affect on their souls because these are the formative years of their lives. Placing these things in their rooms and in our homes is important. Think of a song your parents played when you were a child and the affect of that song on your heart when you hear it now. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There's something about those early years. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">May Allah protect all children from that which distracts from their true purpose. Ameen.</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-15084028714401013872018-04-26T08:46:00.000-05:002018-04-26T08:46:24.730-05:00Sacred Spaces in Our Homes<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Our homes have a room dedicated to every function of our physical being: a place to prepare food, a place to eat food, a place to sleep, etc. When it comes to prayer, however, we have been largely affected by modernist thinkers into praying "anywhere" (obviously, if we are out and we need to pray we honour the time and pray wherever we are) without acknowledgement that not all places are created equal.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We should likewise have a place dedicated to worship. A sacred space free of distractions, heedlessness, and the day -to-day of life. A space where we go to pray our <em>salah</em>, make <em>dhikr</em>, and have seclusion (<em>'uzla</em>).</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The space should ideally not be too large. We should fragrance it with bukhoor.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After some time, the difference between that space and other spaces in the home will be palpable. And the quality of your prayers when made there will also be palpable!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Having done this in all the homes we've lived in over the years, we have seen that even those who are unaware of the purpose of that space feel the difference. Even non-Muslims have commented on the feeling of peace there or said it feels "zen".</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-26842349764212530802018-04-11T08:42:00.000-05:002018-04-11T08:42:36.494-05:00Not Recognizing the Wali<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A dear teacher of ours once told us that the first person to be blinded from the Wali is his wife.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The meaning of this is that those closest to a wali see their humanity so much that they often let that blind them from seeing their rank with Allah and the adab that commands.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is in this light that the Shaykh al-Akbar has advised that one not spend more than three days in a row with their Shaykh because they will be exposed to his <em>bashariyya</em> and as a result may not see him with the same awe and admiration as they previously did.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-84965481824848086842018-04-09T21:13:00.003-05:002018-04-09T22:25:53.659-05:00Don't Let Your Good Looks Fool You...<span style="color: #783f04;">Excerpt rom a lesson on Shukr, delivered by Sidi Shaykh:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04;">When you admire your appearance you should be grateful and acknowledge the One who has concealed your ugliness under this beauty. You didn't choose it, He did. When you are so in love with your appearance that you begin to look down upon others, <u>you exit 'ubudiyyah</u> because He created them -- they did not choose their appearance, He did.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04;">The human being should reflect on their origin: a thing of filth from a place of filth, inside you all sorts of filth <u>and yet</u> despite all that, Allah concealed this in beauty, made you vicegerents on Earth and placed everything in it for your benefit and ease. Glory be to Him!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04;">Acknowledge Allah's <em>right</em> to be thanked.</span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9418497.post-80758173285838618752018-04-06T09:35:00.000-05:002018-04-07T15:44:36.623-05:00A Love and Blessing Eternal<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>In times past I had looked upon blessings and asked, </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>"Are these a test? Will they last?"</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Until that blessed day </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>that my heart did first lay,</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>eyes upon the one who would show it the Way.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>The greatest blessing bestowed upon this impoverished one,</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>He has illuminated my heart, brighter than the sun.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Given me conviction that his presence is not only a treasure, </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>But indeed a mark of God's Great Pleasure.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>A bond most sublime,</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Free from the bounds of space and time.</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>A blessing, a love, an intercession</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong>Unto the abode of eternal Heaven.</strong></span><br />
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<em><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">May Allah preserve him with health and longevity, and continue to benefit many through him.</span></em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0