Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Conclusion: Dr. Sax's and My Own (The Collapse of Parenting)

Dr. Sax's Closing Comments

As parents trying to raise our kids right in a culture that is likely to do the opposite. We must:

  • Re-evaluate our values.  Popular culture today no longer values character. It values money and fame. It belittles being "ordinary".
  • Be willing to parent differently. We must be okay with being uncool.
    • Know that our job is to be the authoritative parent not the cool peer -- understand this difference.
Know the challenges and be a wise parent:
  • Culture of Disrespect mingled with Live for Now. 
    • Introduce your children to a more meaningful worldview.
  • Medication in place of tough parenting challenges.
    • Resist the pressure unless it is a last resort.
  • Over-scheduling our children and ourselves. 
    • Take time to smell the roses. Literally.  Teach them that relaxed time with family is far more important than cramming in more activities.
"It is the parent's responsibility not only to feed, clothe, and shelter the child but to acculturate the child, to instill a sense of virtue and a longing for integrity, and to teach the meaning of life according to the parent's best understanding" (Sax 205).

Popular culture has undermined parental authority to do their job and led to an explosion in anxiety and depression for children and teens, and the emergence of a generation of fragile children.

You MUST:
  • Assert primacy of parent-child relationship over peers.
  • Teach your child that every choice they make has immediate, far-reaching, and unforeseen consequences.
  • Teach them the meaning of life as being their truest self -- not their accomplishments, looks or friends.
  • Judge your success as a parent by whether your child is on the path to fulfillment, capable of governing their needs and desires not being governed by them.  Don't look at the number of friends they have, their marks or achievements.
Do not be paralyzed by your own shortcomings. Raising a good person is a mandatory assignment -- you have to do your best despite your shortcomings!

My Final Comments

READ. THE. BOOK!!!

This is one of the best and most beneficial books I have read. Allah gives wisdom to whomsoever He pleases. This book is full of guidance and wisdom.  I have done my best to summarize and highlight its message as a reminder for myself as I have read the book it will jog my memory, and for Salik who I have been sharing the book with as I read it. However, reading my notes isn't sufficient. Get the book and read it so that you can benefit from it better and learn from its many stories and examples.

On Sax's final point above, I would say this is very true. We are crippled often by our knowledge of our own shortcomings on the path to being virtuous people. But this attitude harms our children. We must constantly strive to be better and share with our children the fact that we are not perfect and that we desire to be better each day. And that we desire for them to be better than us.

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