Thursday, March 29, 2018

Thank You, Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

Increase us in knowledge,
Increase us in wisdom.
To our beloved Prophet
Let us pledge our allegiance.

Rules and limits have You created,
not for Your benefit, but that we be aided.
If left to our desires we shan't be satiated.
Left to our thoughts we are but ill-fated.

We thank you, dear Lord, for guidance
For wisdom, discernment and for prudence.



Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Social Media...

...has made the world a very unforgiving place.

The Disease of Being Busy (Omid Safi)

Born and raised in Canada, I had never truly experienced life anywhere else up until a few months ago (because vacations really don't count). I love Canada. It is my home in this world.

Living in the Gulf for a few months felt so great, so different, so relaxing. I had hardly any of my possessions, but felt so at ease. When I came back to Canada people who didn't even know I had left (that's Toronto for you!), remarked at how relaxed I looked. School/work began and we were back in "the rat-race" or "the grind". The fact that we call our daily lives a "rat race" or "the grind" is clearly a problem, no?

It's not normal and it is to one's spiritual detriment (and physical, emotional, psychological). Even when we make good intentions in the work that we do, the busyness takes a toll on the stillness of our heart and the clarity of our minds. The exhaustion takes a toll on the quality of our prayers.

Click here for article by Professor Omid Safi that is spot on. Please take the time to read and share! 

We are so entrenched in our busy lives that we think it is the only way to live. Before I lived in the Gulf I too believed that this was just the reality of life. I have seen many times that when people opt out of this busy life -- moving out of the city and working from home, moving abroad, downsizing to live on one income -- people are so judgmental that they call these people "lazy". As if there is no other purpose in life. No value to having free time.

It does not have to be this way. We need to make changes, especially as these things pertain to our children and our afterlives.

Two Parenting Lessons from My Childhood

Bismillah.

As the mother of young children and as someone who adores her own parents, I have been reflecting a lot lately on my own childhood and how my parents parented.

Alhamdulillah, I grew up in a beautiful home where my parents always made time for us. I never felt that either of them was too busy for us. My mom started working when I was nine years old, but structured her hours around our school day. My father worked very hard, but played with us as soon as he came home and he always made time on the weekend for our family to have a day out together. We would go to the lake to feed the birds bread scraps we picked up from the bakery or had at home, play together at the park, go out for dinner together and then come home and watch The Road to Avonlea together. I remember they made a distinct and conscious decision that they would not spend weekends at their friends' homes for dawats like everyone else did because they wanted to have time for our family to really be together -- not just under the same roof where they would spend time with their friends and leave us to play with their kids, but for us as a family to be close to one another. Those outings are some of my fondest childhood memories.

Lesson One: Make a regular family ritual that you do together. I say ritual because I believe it has to be consistent and regular in order to really impact children and create a bond.

My mother wasn't a "no machine" and she is quite honestly the sweetest, most selfless lady I know masha'Allah, but there were a few things she really quite adamantly forbade me:
  • The Phone. When all my friends began talking on the phone after school, my mother forbade me from ever giving our phone number to anyone. She simply said to me, "you spend your entire day at school with your friends. So when you come home, I want you to talk to all of us." When I became a teen and it was sometimes uncomfortable to tell girls I couldn't give them my number, I remember my mom telling me quite frankly that all young girls talk about on the phone is boys and that boys this age aren't serious or in a position to marry you. She told me when I got to University she would ease up a little because then I'd have friends that were mature and had education as a top priority.
  • Hangouts. A natural extension of that was that I wasn't allowed to hangout with my friends after school or on weekends either. I didn't have my own social life, birthday parties and outings. I knew when I left school, I came home to my truest friends. As I grew up into a teenager, my mom became my best friend -- the one who took me shopping and to the movies, and that is where she imparted to me so much of her worldview.
  • Clothing. My parents were traditional Pakistanis who came here in the 70s and had the culture of their childhood as their guide. They didn't force me to wear hijab, but my clothing had strict rules embedded in my thinking from a young age. Even at home, I always wore traditional shalwar kameez. I went shopping with my mom who did that deliberately so that she would be the one telling me what looked good and what didn't (as opposed to my friends),  and she always told me the honest truth, explaining that she couldn't let me make a fool of myself to spare my feelings at the moment. She also often told me that her mother used to tell her that "people look at models and wear whatever is trendy, but not everything suits everyone so don't be a part of the herd -- examine clothes to see if they meet your own style and suit you." All of this deeply embedded in me a sense of haya' (modesty). 
  • Closed Doors. We were only allowed to close our bedroom doors for the few minutes it took us to change our clothes. "Privacy" is something that is really over-hyped in our times. Traditionally, people didn't have enough rooms in a house to be closing doors to their "own space". What are kids doing on their own that requires a closed door anyways? We were one unit. If one person were to close themselves off, the others would miss them.

Lesson Two: Rather than a long list of rules, teach children principles that will help guide their independent lives in the future and explain to them the wisdom for which you are giving them any given rule.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

The Strength Borne of Vulnerability

Why is that with some people, our bond is stronger than it is with others? That despite seeing some friends a fraction of the time we see or spend with others, we still feel a greater comfort with them? Many a reason can be given for this experience that most of us can relate to, but one has, over the years resonated most with me.

Vulnerability.

The friends with whom we can be vulnerable, are our closest friends. They are the friends that even if we see them once a year, we always feel connected to. There is a certain strength in a relationship that is borne out of the ability for two people to be vulnerable with one another. To share their fears, their difficulties, their challenges, their weaknesses and their deepest secrets. Perhaps this is because there needs to be an incredible amount of love and trust for us to allow someone to know us in our entirety, to feel safe from being judged, dismissed, exposed, or worse.


Shaykh Hamza once said that if we have one truly good friend we should be incredibly grateful. And if we have two we should make a sajda of shukr. Such friends are hard to find. May Allah bless them.

O My Servant! I am Allah!

Many years ago, a teacher of ours once gave us a qasida from Tarim. It was a beautiful rendition of the nasheed "Kullama na dayt ya Hu". Different from the more popular versions, I found that it was sung in a manner that evoked more thought on what is actually being said -- much like how the stops in the warsh recitation of the Quran almost force a unique type of reflection. He didn't realize that at the time I was going through a trial in which I would often beseech My Lord in supplication. Hearing the words,


Whenever I call out, "O Lord!"

He replies, "O My Servant, I am here for you!"


These words brought and still bring my heart a tranquility that is hard to put into words. When we make dua, do we realize Who we are calling on? We are calling on ALLAH. Lord of All the Worlds!
Reflect on that. He is Allah. Nothing is beyond His Control. Ask and you shall surely be granted.


Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Teaching Little Ones About Their Invisible Hearts

Bismillah.

About a year ago I began reading the Fons Vitae Ghazali Children's Series to our son.  The concept of having an "invisible heart" is an incredibly powerful tool with which to teach little ones about akhlaq, the impact of good and bad actions/behaviours, and to set them on the spiritual path through early muhasaba (taking account of one's actions and thoughts). I wanted to take a moment to encourage people to take advantage of this incredible resource that is available to us as it has quite literally changed how we parent and how our children view themselves.

Since children are naturally so drawn to that which is invisible, the concept immediately catches their attention. Once this simple idea of the invisible heart (and its being like a mirror) has been grasped, disciplining children actually takes on a very different character because now everything is understood in light of the invisible heart and keeping it as clean as a sparkling mirror. The seeds of vices can be easily thrown away -- for instance, when a child displays jealousy over something their sibling receives, they can be taught to be aware of that feeling and know that it is from shaytaan and that they should make istighfar (have them do it 10x or on a tasbih depending on their level of focus) as a way of erasing the "smudge" of jealousy from the mirror that is their invisible heart, and that the way to keep it from coming back is to be happy that their sibling was given a blessing from Allah. It goes without saying then, that we also must exemplify this in our own lives by vocalizing our happiness at the good fortune and blessings bestowed upon others around us and in our own lives (so that the children can hear it and see it).

Likewise, knowledge of the invisible heart helps us sow the seeds of virtues such that preferring others over ourselves, service, charity, kind words, and sharing all make so much more sense in light of this invisible heart that we are polishing, as opposed to when they are abstract virtues.

The concept of the invisible heart is such a refreshing and  impactful way of teaching children to be mindful of their actions and thoughts. May Allah bless those who have put their time, hearts, minds, and good intentions into this project and may He facilitate its completion with tawfiq and taysir.

Monday, March 19, 2018

The Expansive Souls of the Ahl al-Bayt

Bismillah.

When I first met our beloved guide, Sidi Shaykh Abdellah al-Haddad, what stood out to me was the love and warmth with which he embraced the variety of souls that came his way. I have written previously about how even passersby have commented on the love that emanates from his very being. He gives and gives, yet only grows in what he has to offer.

During our months in the Gulf, we were blessed to spend some time with the Habaib. As I saw what their own cultural and lifestyle are like, and then juxtaposed that with the interactions I've witnessed them having in North America, I was amazed. Although in their own homes they live a very traditional and conservative lifestyle where men and women don't really interact, in North America I have experienced first-hand how naturally they will address questions from sisters, exchange salams, etc. That despite their own limited exposure to the social worlds online and on the ground in the West, the mercy and forbearance with which they field questions from people at various ends of faith. And I've seen the warmth with which they do so: smiling with no sign of being uncomfortable or awkward, but with impeccable adab and respect.

Reflecting on this, it occurred to me that what Sidi Shaykh and the Habaib have in common is that they are all ahl al-bayt -- descendants of the noble lineage of our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).

I believe with my heart that this is why they are able to take in so many different hearts, personalities, and cultures with such ease, grace, love, and mercy. They have in their blood the expansive soul of our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). The Mercy to All the Worlds. They look at all of us with the eye of love and mercy. They don't harbour pride because of their piety, knowledge or the stringent positions they may take themselves. They are in practice, hard on themselves, but easy on others. This is the Prophetic way. Take people as they are, and guide them gently, one soul at a time with your love, prayers, sincerity, and example.

We have much to learn from these noble and blessed souls. Salik has often said that the human soul has a sanctity that must be respected. That the feelings of the human being must be considered because far too often in our piety, there is a subtle pride or self-righteousness that causes us to make others feel inferior, awkward and uncomfortable.