Teaching Little Ones About Their Invisible Hearts

Bismillah.

About a year ago I began reading the Fons Vitae Ghazali Children's Series to our son.  The concept of having an "invisible heart" is an incredibly powerful tool with which to teach little ones about akhlaq, the impact of good and bad actions/behaviours, and to set them on the spiritual path through early muhasaba (taking account of one's actions and thoughts). I wanted to take a moment to encourage people to take advantage of this incredible resource that is available to us as it has quite literally changed how we parent and how our children view themselves.

Since children are naturally so drawn to that which is invisible, the concept immediately catches their attention. Once this simple idea of the invisible heart (and its being like a mirror) has been grasped, disciplining children actually takes on a very different character because now everything is understood in light of the invisible heart and keeping it as clean as a sparkling mirror. The seeds of vices can be easily thrown away -- for instance, when a child displays jealousy over something their sibling receives, they can be taught to be aware of that feeling and know that it is from shaytaan and that they should make istighfar (have them do it 10x or on a tasbih depending on their level of focus) as a way of erasing the "smudge" of jealousy from the mirror that is their invisible heart, and that the way to keep it from coming back is to be happy that their sibling was given a blessing from Allah. It goes without saying then, that we also must exemplify this in our own lives by vocalizing our happiness at the good fortune and blessings bestowed upon others around us and in our own lives (so that the children can hear it and see it).

Likewise, knowledge of the invisible heart helps us sow the seeds of virtues such that preferring others over ourselves, service, charity, kind words, and sharing all make so much more sense in light of this invisible heart that we are polishing, as opposed to when they are abstract virtues.

The concept of the invisible heart is such a refreshing and  impactful way of teaching children to be mindful of their actions and thoughts. May Allah bless those who have put their time, hearts, minds, and good intentions into this project and may He facilitate its completion with tawfiq and taysir.

The Expansive Souls of the Ahl al-Bayt

Bismillah.

When I first met our beloved guide, Sidi Shaykh Abdellah al-Haddad, what stood out to me was the love and warmth with which he embraced the variety of souls that came his way. I have written previously about how even passersby have commented on the love that emanates from his very being. He gives and gives, yet only grows in what he has to offer.

During our months in the Gulf, we were blessed to spend some time with the Habaib. As I saw what their own cultural and lifestyle are like, and then juxtaposed that with the interactions I've witnessed them having in North America, I was amazed. Although in their own homes they live a very traditional and conservative lifestyle where men and women don't really interact, in North America I have experienced first-hand how naturally they will address questions from sisters, exchange salams, etc. That despite their own limited exposure to the social worlds online and on the ground in the West, the mercy and forbearance with which they field questions from people at various ends of faith. And I've seen the warmth with which they do so: smiling with no sign of being uncomfortable or awkward, but with impeccable adab and respect.

Reflecting on this, it occurred to me that what Sidi Shaykh and the Habaib have in common is that they are all ahl al-bayt -- descendants of the noble lineage of our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).

I believe with my heart that this is why they are able to take in so many different hearts, personalities, and cultures with such ease, grace, love, and mercy. They have in their blood the expansive soul of our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). The Mercy to All the Worlds. They look at all of us with the eye of love and mercy. They don't harbour pride because of their piety, knowledge or the stringent positions they may take themselves. They are in practice, hard on themselves, but easy on others. This is the Prophetic way. Take people as they are, and guide them gently, one soul at a time with your love, prayers, sincerity, and example.

We have much to learn from these noble and blessed souls. Salik has often said that the human soul has a sanctity that must be respected. That the feelings of the human being must be considered because far too often in our piety, there is a subtle pride or self-righteousness that causes us to make others feel inferior, awkward and uncomfortable.

When Hearts Find One Another

Bismillah.

One of the most true and beautiful teachings of our faith is that hearts that were close to one another on the day when we were asked "who is your Lord?", are close in this world. It may be that those hearts marry one another or are discovered in our children, they may be best friends or wayfarers on the Path, they can be people separated by time and space as we often feel so connected to someone we have never met or who died physically years before we first stepped foot on this earth. Sometimes, we find those hearts in what are otherwise brief encounters with strangers and sometimes those encounters are so intense they leave an impression on the heart forever.

I remember sixteen years ago when making umrah with my parents, as I came down the escalator in Madina to make wudu, a woman sitting at the bottom there watching me got up as I got off the escalator, embraced me in a long hug, kissed me and said a few words before letting me go. I don't know what she said, but I can still feel that loving hug. May Allah make her affairs blessed and easy.

A couple of months ago in Dubai, we prayed at the masjid of Habib Husayn for Jummah and its barakah was so intense we didn't want to leave and felt compelled to return for the maghrib prayer. As I sat in tashahhud, I felt a strong presence to my right come in. When I completed my prayer and supplications, I looked toward my right and a few spaces over was an elderly, presumably Emirati lady. I went over thinking to shake her hand before leaving and as I did that, she quickly stood up and we embraced in a long hug and traditional exchange of kisses. She smiled with a twinkle in her eye and starting making long duas for me and literally using her hands as if to shower me with them. It was an unexplainable moment that just left me feeling so spiritually full and so loved by someone I didn't know and don't know. I don't know her name or ethnicity and she didn't ask me any questions about who I was or where I came from. Our hearts felt one another, recognized one another, loved one another. And that brief moment was perhaps all we were meant to have in this world. May Allah bless her. Ameen to all her duas.

Recently, we were blessed to make umrah. As I sat with my children at marwa having completed our umrah, exhausted, I found myself next to a group of older Algerian ladies. They seemed intrigued about where I was from and what languages I spoke. Unfortunately, the one closest to me and I had it seems no common language and weren't able to communicate much. When I saw Salik return I finally got up and woke the children who had fallen asleep. As I was leaving, the one who had been furthest from me stopped me, pulled me down to herself, asked me where I came from then gave me a big hug, kisses and duas with eyes overflowing with love. I can still feel that love. May Allah envelope her with His Love.

As we were headed to Makkah, a friend of mine had told me to meet a good friend of hers who lives in Makkah and is of very noble lineage. I was told she has a majlis of dhikr in her home once a week early in the morning and I had been given directions so that we could attend, and we were looking very much forward to it. Having made umrah with the children the day before and losing an entire night of sleep however, had left us all so exhausted that when we woke up we realized we had missed the gathering. It saddened us, and we made our way to the haram for the dhuhr prayer. As we entered the sun was blazing hot so we decided to try and find a shaded area for the children amidst the maze of construction taking place. When we did find shade, we were unable to see the kaba so we headed back out and found spots behind maqam Ibrahim. As the prayer ended I saw my husband heading toward our meeting spot only to turn around and go back because of the call for a janazah prayer. When that was done I went with our girls to find Salik and Salik Jr. at the meeting spot and noticed they were having a jovial conversation with a young man in ihram.  As I approached them, Salik said to me this brother is a descendent of so-and-so. I smiled, stunned as this meant he was from that same noble lineage as the girl I was supposed to have met that morning. As I was having that thought he told us they had a gathering in their home earlier that morning. I quickly took out my phone and showed him the directions to the home we had been invited to and he smiled and said "yes, that's my home!". How on earth can it be that in a blazing hot haram, where one had to squint their eyes and could barely see anyone, a "stranger" sees a "stranger", approaches them amidst his own umrah to ask where they had come from and if they knew such and such a family... How? Because hearts are connected and they find each other even in a sea of hearts. And so, of course, he invited to us to visit their home that evening and meet his uncle who is a great wali Allah.  We went and were enveloped by love as soon as we walked through the doors. On the women's side, not one spoke any English (except one who could string together a few words), but they surrounded me and the girls and with my broken Arabic, their broken English and hearts full of love I had one of the best hangouts of my life. Each of those girls forever etched in my heart and that night, that love, will always be with me. May Allah bless each of them, give them ease in all their affairs, and unite us all in this world again and in Jannatul firdaws forever in the company of our Habib (endless peace and blessings be upon our beautiful Master).

Protect Your Blessings

Bismillah.

When I look back at my youth, I realize how much of a bubble I lived in thanks to selfless parents who gave themselves to us without ever recounting their sacrifices to us -- the stability and peace they provided us.

I still remember the immense pain of the day when that bubble first burst through a heavy trial sent upon us. Since then as I have grown older, I have seen so many devastating events in the lives of people dear to me -- from illnesses, to torture, to friends becoming young widows and widowers, to the deaths of not only people's parents and grandparents, but of young thriving professionals. When one starts to see all of these things, ideally one's perspective of what this life is, should change.

When one witnesses the fragility of life and how in one blink of the eye, everything can change and nothing can stop it -- not wealth, not status, not "power" nor influence, one should stop to reflect.

"And He gives you something of all that you ask of Him, and were you to count the blessings of God, you could not number them. Truly mankind is wrongdoing, ungrateful."

- The Study Quran 14:34

Be grateful. Protect all of those blessings in your life through gratitude to your Lord.

Yet often, we see that it is when we are living comfortably with a stable job, stable marriage, healthy children… that we start to create problems -- may Allah protect us. Our ego satisfied of its basic needs, starts to crave more. It starts to get "offended". We start to demand this that or the other thing from our relatives and friends. We start to meddle. We start to take their peace and happiness away.

Seek refuge in Allah.

Think for a moment how much weight these things would hold on the scales of joy for you, if in an instant Allah sent you a real trial. Would this trivial matter still mean so much to you, if (God forbid) one of your parents died, if illness struck you, or your child got hurt? This person that has so offended you -- if they were being lowered into their grave would you still be yelling at them and loathing them so intensely?

Seek refuge in Allah.

Accept that you cannot control other people. You cannot force relationships to be the way that you wish they were or that they in fact ought to be. You can only do good to others. You cannot demand them to do good to you. Yes it may hurt sometimes, but you cannot force change with a heavy hand or loud voice. Forgive them, and pray for them…don't dwell in your hurt and allow it to cause you to demand things and in the process make things worse.

“The Muslim does not make a request which contains nothing of sin or the severance of family ties except that God will grant it to him in one of three ways: either his request will be granted to him [in this world], or God will store it away for him for the Afterlife, or He will divert from him an evil equivalent to the request.”

- Musnad of Imam Ahmad and Bayhaqi's Shu'ab al-Iman

(Source: The Study Quran)

Seek refuge in Allah. Pray for protection of your blessings, your peace, your happiness. Request the path of gratitude before you are forced onto the path of patience.

Ten Signs of Good Character: Shaykh Yahya Rhodus

Ten Signs of Good Character
Khutbah by Shaykh Yahya Rhodus
Al-Maqasid Khutbah Series

Bismillah. I was just listening to this on Youtube and felt compelled to share this with everyone. We all need to seek to attain this in all aspects of our lives -- social media culture seems by and large exemplifies the death of good character.

1. Rarely engages in arguments.
          Even regarding religion.

2. Treating people fairly and not discriminating.

3. Not seeking out the faults of others/their mistakes. Covering them up if they are revealed.

4. Cover up sins of others. Think the best of them, give them the benefit of the doubt.

5. Seeking people's forgiveness. 
    Forgiving people when they seek your forgiveness (without discerning their sincerity).

6. Bearing harm from others.
          Meaning don't lash back.

7. Reproaching oneself for shortcomings more than anyone else could possibly do to you.    
          Introspection.

8.  Focusing on one's own faults.

9. Having a Cheerful Presence. Not just smiling, but being a source of up-liftment for others.

10. Speaking well. Avoid bad language, but also speak to people in a way that does not dishonour them. Using euphemisms, etc.

Listen to the full khutbah here.

Adab of Dua

Bismillah.

Recently, someone dear to me asked me if I was sincerely making dua for a particular need in our lives. I responded "yes, I am". They asked "how hard are you making dua?". 

This led me to reflect on a time in my life some odd years ago when there was something I so desperately yearned for. In particular, I vividly remembered one instance when after salah I was making dua for what I wanted. I was broken, begging Allah, crying, pleading. In hindsight, although I can empathize with that past self, it was undignified.  

In contrast, some years prior to that I had undergone the greatest trial of my life. In those duas, I was dignified. I prayed earnestly, but I was broken, I begged Allah, I wept. I was humbled, but I was dignified.

The difference between those two trials was to be found in my heart. In one trial I fell into despair -- when I asked Allah, part of me had given up on the possibility of the prayer being answered and had conceded to misfortune.  In the other, my heart had hope and trust that Allah would surely assist me and answer my prayer.

When we beseech our Most Generous and Most Loving Lord, we must do so with our neediness manifest, but with the dignity we owe Him---the good opinion He has a right to.

And we should never underestimate the power of a sincere heartfelt dua. Dua is perhaps the most intimate conversation we have with Allah. It is itself a healing for our hearts.

Wealth

Much wealth is rarely a blessing for people. 
It's a zahmat, not a rahmat.

More often than not, it pulls one deeper and deeper into it's world. A world of no satiation, no mercy, no justice.

As the Blessed Messenger (upon him be abundant peace and blessings) remarked, 

“If the son of Adam had a valley full of gold, he would like to have two valleys for nothing fills his mouth except dust. Allah will forgive whoever repents to Him.”

May Allah save us and protect us.

The Language of the Heart

Bismillah.

Many years ago, through the sheer Mercy and Favour of my Lord upon me, for which I will be eternally grateful (had He bestowed no other blessing upon me, this would have been sufficient), I came to meet Sidi Shaykh Abdellah al-Haddad.

Before his arrival, one of my dearest friends had told me I should "prepare to fall in love". He came and from afar, he was beautiful, the words he spoke were pearls, the spiritual presence he brought to the zawiya, palpable.  I needed to speak with him about a spiritual matter and when I went to see him I looked into his blessed eyes and there was a sea of love, merciful, unadulterated love, like nothing I had seen in any eye before. This is the essence of Sidi Shaykh and it never fails to make me weep. Such purity, such wealth that he gives and gives and gives of his love and yet, somehow, each time I lay eyes upon him, there is more love than before.

At the time I first met him, I was going though a trial that I used to pray in earnest for Allah to lift from me. Once he had accepted me as a faqira under his guidance, I had a beautiful vivid dream in which he was leading myself and that friend of mine in salat-ul maghrib. Upon completion of the prayer, I closed my eyes was in earnest prayer until I felt a strong presence with me, and when I looked his hands were beneath my hands. This was perhaps the first lesson the nisbah taught me. We are bound to our Shaykh. When we beseech our Lord, he beseeches with us. His concern for us is sincere and deep, it never leaves us.

Those who know Sidi Shaykh, know that his jalal is reserved only for what benefits. He is otherwise, jamal, jamal, jamal. And this was the nisbah's second lesson to me. I had always been very shadid in my spirituality, very jalali. Yet literally overnight, I came to espouse that immense mercy that characterizes Sidi Shaykh. Suddenly the students dancing and playing the drum didn't inspire within me a dislike for the ghafla, but rather a realization that this is the search of their soul for Allah. That were they to be guided, they would find a far greater peace and tranquility in the dhikr, in the hadra. And this led me to pray that Allah guide them to that knowledge of Himself.

Each year we are blessed from above, with a visit from Sayyidna Shaykh. He comes, I sit with him and ask his nasiha on one thing or another, and either his daughter or Salik translate between us. In truth, I always feel this is the formality of this world, we go through the motions that are the norms of the life of this world. Yet my greatest questions, those I cannot often even articulate, are communicated in the initial silence that follows the salams and exchange of niceties or in the final silence before we depart. When he looks over at me and smiles and I cannot even bring my lowly eyes to look back at him. It is in those moments that our hearts speak. And it is those moments that have taught me that language of the tongue or the pen, is in reality so impoverished in comparison to the language of the hearts.

Recently, Shaykh Yahya was speaking about the dense nature of this world and its resultant pull on us. And spending some moments with Sidi Shaykh is indeed in such contrast to that density. He is subtle, latif. And what a peace that brings the heart in comparison to the unrest of this dense world.

May we empty our hearts of the hardness, harshness, and density of this world so that we may have our hearts filled with the Light, Lutf and Mercy of our Lord Most High. Sidi Shaykh and those like him, they are calling us to the real purpose of our life in this world. We must pay heed, we must answer that call, for the life of this world is but two days -- it is here today and will be gone tomorrow. All that will be left is the light or darkness that we filled our hearts with. Let us fill our hearts with Light that never extinguishes. Ameen.

May Allah preserve Sidi Shaykh, give him health and strength, and grant him a long life by which he benefits many. Ameen.

Gift-Giving Expectations

Bismillah.

I was listening to a podcast of a talk by our dear brother, Shaykh Yahya Rhodus (may Allah preserve him), as he spoke about the high rank of Sayyida Fatima al-Zahra (radiy Allahu anha), as being the closest to Rasul Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) in both her outward appearance and her character. He then mentioned something that really resonated with me. I do tend to be on the sensitive side so this was a good reminder to my heart in response to the behaviour of others.

He mentioned that whenever Sayyida Fatima (radiy Allahu anha) would send someone a gift she would ask her servant to listen attentively to any dua that person made for her upon receiving the gift. When the servant would tell her of their dua, she would immediately make the same dua for them -- "a dua for a dua", she would say, "for the reward of the gift, I want from my Lord in Heaven".*

How often do we think about the fact that someone didn't say a simple thank you or show their appreciation. This almost makes us wish they don't!  Some food for thought :)

Wassalam,

Salikah

*not a direct quote, but paraphrased.